Grieving as a couple in foster care

In this clip of the Family Care Learning Podcast, Brandon Jones interviews Haley and Garrett who have fostered a few children with Christian Family Care. Haley and Garrett discuss how they were grieving as couple after their foster kids were reunited with their bio families. See the full podcast on our channel!

Haley starts off by sharing that about a month in she realized her and her husband were at different stages of grief. “I really get stuck in that bargaining and in that anger stage,” she said. “I think for me, I’m still there sometimes and I feel like maybe I’m moving forward but then I get triggered by something or there’s a reminder, or we go somewhere that we took the girls and it’s like the last time we were there and then you just kind of see all the bitterness come back in,” she said. Even as you try to move forward through grief there will be times when you can move backwards but know that it’s okay to give yourself grace throughout the process.

“It’s really easy for me to put that on Garrett because who else is there to blame in the moment?” Haley said. “Even if he’s like so sincere and he’s so kind and generous, even though he has the best, you know, good intentions, there would be so many times where I could just take things out on him,” she added. “The other day he was like, I made you coffee. I’ve been trying so hard all day just to be kind and meet your love languages and he’s like, you’re just not accepting any of it,” she shared.

Sometimes Haley admits she has to ask herself why she’s acting the way she is. “In our grief really having to sit back and be like, okay, what has happened in our day? And, are there things that are maybe triggering me, causing me to do this, and then how as a couple do we need to come together and talk about this?” she said. In moments like that, Haley said she tries to identify what’s going on within herself and take a moment for some self care, or simply naming it out loud what’s going on. “Name it, to tame it” she called it.

To watch the full podcast click here: Grieving In Foster Care With Your Spouse Part 2 – Family Care Learning Podcast #8