Contact Us
Contact Us

Ten Ways to Build Attachment at Home

By Sarah Earles, MS, LPC, NCC | December 06, 2024

Back to Blog

Attachment is a difficult thing. Designed to form between a healthy caregiver and an infant starting in utero, this process often gets disrupted and disorganized by early trauma. In cases of adoption and foster care, children often lack attachment to current caregivers and must form it through effort on the part of themselves and their caregivers. Children who experienced early trauma often need professional support to help heal and build healthy attachments. Their caregivers can promote healthy attachment through additional work at home, however.

What is attachment? Attachment is defined as “the emotional bond that forms between infant and caregiver, and it is how the helpless infant gets primary needs met” (Psychology Today Staff, n.d.). In cases of neglect and abuse, caregivers do not meet infant needs; trust and coregulation fail may fail to develop (Ogle, Rubon, & Sigler, 2015). Overall emotional, intellectual, and relational development may also slow or suspend due to early childhood trauma (Mikulincer et al, 2011). Symptoms of disorganized attachment include, but are not limited to: low stress tolerance, difficulties with emotional regulation, impulsivity, sleep disruption, mental health diagnoses, and more (Bright Quest Treatment Centers, n.d.). Attachment disruption is indeed very serious.
What can caregivers do? Caregivers of children from hard places can benefit from the help of a professional therapist. A professional therapist can help assess areas of attachment injury and build a plan to scaffold the building of healthy attachment with a healthy caregiver. This therapist can also help parents process issues such as blocked care and caregiver fatigue (Corkum & Qualls, n.d.; Sikkema, Mar 27). If/when caregivers are ready, they may consider engaging in some intentional activities done at home to build attachment.
What types of activities help? Parents should use care to adapt activities to meet the need of their child (Behavioral Health Services of Arkansas, n.d.). This includes considering frequency, intensity and duration, structure, and sensory sensitivities. Most of the activities below can be adjusted based on child needs:
  1. Arts and crafts: Parallel engagement incites imagination and self-expression.
  2. Board game play: Engagement encourages cooperation and collaboration.
  3. Catch: Throwing a ball back and forth teaches reciprocity (Via Admin, 2013).
  4. Cooking: Baking, chopping, and stirring allows for practice of personal agency and shared enjoyment (Behavioral Health Services of Arkansas).
  5. Guessing games: Using the senses helps reconnect the mind and body in the presence of a safe caregiver.
  6. Hide and go seek: Play increases tolerance for positive affect as caregivers take pleasure in finding children (Earles, 2022).
  7. Movies: Watching movies allows children to feel included and validated when they get to choose the film (Behavioral Health Services of Arkansas).
  8. Outdoor time: Time outside provides safe connection with the “other” of nature.
  9. Self-care: Activities like sharing lotion promote nurture (Parenting with Understanding, 2012).
  10. Volunteer time: Working together for the benefit of others can encourage shared identity.

Will these activities restore perfect attachment to children? No, probably not, but in conjunction with good trauma-informed therapy, they may help nourish the attachment pathway. Healthy attachment benefits caregivers and children, and investing in it is worth it, for the good of the home and the world outside it.

Recommended Reads

Related Topics

References

Behavioral Health Services of Arkansas. (n.d.) Engaging activities for children with RAD. https://www.bhsarkansas.org/engaging-activities-for-children-with-rad

Bright Quest Treatment Centers. (n.d.) What is attachment trauma? https://www.brightquest.com/relational-trauma/what-is-attachment-trauma/

Corkum, M., & Qualls, L. (n.d.). Blocked care: How to regain compassion for yourself and your child. The Archibald Project. https://thearchibaldproject.com/blocked-care-how-to-regain-compassion-for-yourself-and-your-child/

Earles, S. (2022, September 14). Hide-and-seek play: Benefits and risks. Arizona Family Counseling. https://arizonafamilycounseling.com/blog/hide-and-seek-play/

Ogle, C.M., Rubin, D.C., & Siegler, I.C. (2015). The relation between insecure attachment and posttraumatic stress: Early life versus adulthood traumas. Psychol Trauma 7(4):324-32. doi: 10.1037/tra0000015.

Mikulincer, M., Ein-Dor, T., Solomon, Z., & Shaver, P. R. (2011). Trajectories of attachment insecurities over a 17-year period: A latent growth curve analysis of the impact of war captivity and posttraumatic stress disorder. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 30, 960 –984. 

Parenting with Understanding. (2012, March 27). Theraplay activities – Nurture. https://parentingwithunderstanding.com/2012/03/27/theraplay-activities-nurture/

Psychology Today Staff. (n.d.) Attachment. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attachment

Sikkema, K. (Mar 27). Reactive Attachment Disorder therapy: What you can learn from our family’s unfortunate trauma-informed experience. RAD Advocates. https://www.radadvocates.org/post/reactive-attachment-disorder-therapy-unfortunate-trauma-informed-experience

Via Admin. (2013, July 5). 15 games that encourage attachment. Children’s Home Society of Minnesota. https://chlss.org/blog/15-games-that-encourage-attachment/