We have identified Trust as the thin protective underlayment that keeps the damaging elements like water from seeping into our homes and wreaking havoc inside the walls, but what about the finish materials? Aren’t they more than just an esthetic making our house look pretty? Let’s think of them as the first line of defense, protecting our protective layer, and identify this material as Commitment. Where the thin layer of trust is fragile, the layer of commitment, at least until the layer of trust becomes damaged, is thicker and more stable. As we saw in the last blog, unhealthy communication damages our trust in the relationship and begins to affect the exterior finish of our home while simultaneously causing internal problems. In the beginning of our relationship, commitment is strong and can help us to withstand some small intrusions. But as those intrusions continue without repair, the damage to trust increases, lowering commitment’s ability to be our first line of defense – our house begins to fall apart.
We previously looked at Galatians and discussed a list of characteristics that damage trust and weaken our protective layer through unhealthy communication. But is there anything in the Bible we can draw on that can strengthen that protective layer through healthy communication? Let’s turn again to Chapter 5 of Galatians where Paul gives us another list of characteristics that are in direct contrast to what he referred to previously as the “sin nature.” In verses 22-23, Paul refers to this new list as “the Fruit of the Spirit” and they are as follows: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. As we look at this new list in the context of marriage, the two words that probably jump out at most of us are Love and Faithfulness.
As we went through the dating process, there came a time when we began to feel love for our partner and our relationship began to take a new direction toward a committed relationship, one in which we ultimately decided to marry. As we stood at the altar, we recited vows that often include love and faithfulness in them. We often think of love in marriage as a noun, something you obtain while dating and then coast through marriage on your achievement. Love can certainly be a noun, but in a relationship, it is a verb that requires action, and it is where the rest of Paul’s list comes into play in helping us to strengthen our commitment to one another. In order to act out our love for our spouse, we need to live a life that expresses patience with them; we need a heart for our spouse that comes from goodness revealing itself through kindness; we need to show self-control in our relationship by putting the others needs above our own; and, we need to do everything we can – as much as it depends on us (Rom. 12:18) – to live with peace in our homes. If we can focus on these things, healthy communication becomes a natural part of our relationship, increasing our commitment to each other and bringing joy to our relationship.
If you have been paying attention to Paul’s list, you will notice that I have not mentioned faithfulness (except when we were standing at the altar). Like love, we tend to miss the full definition of the word. Faithfulness is more than not becoming involved with another person outside of your marriage. While that is huge and will destroy trust and commitment faster than anything else, faithfulness has a much broader meaning that I will attempt to narrow down to two words: integrity and honesty. One way to view integrity is personal congruity – when our private self matches our public self. If at home, I am telling my wife I love her and then complaining about her in the workplace I am lacking in integrity. If I say that I am going to do something and then never follow through on it or follow through but in a less-than-timely way, I lack integrity. In other words, integrity involves consistency. Honesty, while being a part of integrity, is being open and transparent with your spouse. It is talking about what we are feeling, how we are feeling it, and when we feel it most. It is sharing our inner selves with our spouse in loving openness. However, we must be careful because honesty can also be used as a weapon of destruction in a marriage; we can use it to hurt someone. Honesty as a means of causing hurt does not come from the Fruit of the Spirit, but rather from Paul’s first list which leads me to my final point; the Fruit of the Spirit is not nine separate fruits but one whole fruit.
Paul’s list in Galatians 5:22-23 is often referred to, mistakenly, as the “Fruits” of the Spirit as if they are all individual fruits that stand apart from each other. If that were the case, we might tend to think of ourselves as doing quite well in bearing certain fruits and focusing on them while neglecting the others. But if we look at this as one fruit, then in order to bear this fruit, we must be actively pursuing all nine aspects of the Fruit and making all of them evident in our life and in our marriage. With that in mind, I want you to re-read the list and think of each of the aspects in terms of your commitment to your marriage: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. This is your pattern to a committed relationship!
Our home is now built, and the construction is complete! Our soil has been properly engineered to support our home, our foundation has been reinforced so that we can build a sturdy structure on it, framing is complete, underlayment is installed, and the exterior finish now reveals a beautiful home. In the construction world, this takes considerable time and effort to achieve. In our marriage, it is no less. When I hear people make statements like “I am just not in love with my spouse anymore” or “we have fallen out of love with each other” it indicates to me that there is some element within the construction process that was not properly installed, and they do not know how to repair it. It is for this very reason that we have a team of counselors here at Arizona Family Counseling that would love to help. Our website is www.arizonafamilycounseling.com or you can reach us by phone at (877) 847-6104. Our greatest desire is to serve God by serving you, and in serving you as you engage in your construction project, we can meet our mission of strengthening families in the name of Jesus Christ.
We have identified Trust as the thin protective underlayment that keeps the damaging elements like water from seeping into our homes and wreaking havoc inside the walls, but what about the finish materials? Aren’t they more than just an esthetic making our house look pretty? Let’s think of them as the first line of defense, protecting our protective layer, and identify this material as Commitment. Where the thin layer of trust is fragile, the layer of commitment, at least until the layer of trust becomes damaged, is thicker and more stable. As we saw in the last blog, unhealthy communication damages our trust in the relationship and begins to affect the exterior finish of our home while simultaneously causing internal problems. In the beginning of our relationship, commitment is strong and can help us to withstand some small intrusions. But as those intrusions continue without repair, the damage to trust increases, lowering commitment’s ability to be our first line of defense – our house begins to fall apart.
We previously looked at Galatians and discussed a list of characteristics that damage trust and weaken our protective layer through unhealthy communication. But is there anything in the Bible we can draw on that can strengthen that protective layer through healthy communication? Let’s turn again to Chapter 5 of Galatians where Paul gives us another list of characteristics that are in direct contrast to what he referred to previously as the “sin nature.” In verses 22-23, Paul refers to this new list as “the Fruit of the Spirit” and they are as follows: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. As we look at this new list in the context of marriage, the two words that probably jump out at most of us are Love and Faithfulness.
As we went through the dating process, there came a time when we began to feel love for our partner and our relationship began to take a new direction toward a committed relationship, one in which we ultimately decided to marry. As we stood at the altar, we recited vows that often include love and faithfulness in them. We often think of love in marriage as a noun, something you obtain while dating and then coast through marriage on your achievement. Love can certainly be a noun, but in a relationship, it is a verb that requires action, and it is where the rest of Paul’s list comes into play in helping us to strengthen our commitment to one another. In order to act out our love for our spouse, we need to live a life that expresses patience with them; we need a heart for our spouse that comes from goodness revealing itself through kindness; we need to show self-control in our relationship by putting the others needs above our own; and, we need to do everything we can – as much as it depends on us (Rom. 12:18) – to live with peace in our homes. If we can focus on these things, healthy communication becomes a natural part of our relationship, increasing our commitment to each other and bringing joy to our relationship.
If you have been paying attention to Paul’s list, you will notice that I have not mentioned faithfulness (except when we were standing at the altar). Like love, we tend to miss the full definition of the word. Faithfulness is more than not becoming involved with another person outside of your marriage. While that is huge and will destroy trust and commitment faster than anything else, faithfulness has a much broader meaning that I will attempt to narrow down to two words: integrity and honesty. One way to view integrity is personal congruity – when our private self matches our public self. If at home, I am telling my wife I love her and then complaining about her in the workplace I am lacking in integrity. If I say that I am going to do something and then never follow through on it or follow through but in a less-than-timely way, I lack integrity. In other words, integrity involves consistency. Honesty, while being a part of integrity, is being open and transparent with your spouse. It is talking about what we are feeling, how we are feeling it, and when we feel it most. It is sharing our inner selves with our spouse in loving openness. However, we must be careful because honesty can also be used as a weapon of destruction in a marriage; we can use it to hurt someone. Honesty as a means of causing hurt does not come from the Fruit of the Spirit, but rather from Paul’s first list which leads me to my final point; the Fruit of the Spirit is not nine separate fruits but one whole fruit.
Paul’s list in Galatians 5:22-23 is often referred to, mistakenly, as the “Fruits” of the Spirit as if they are all individual fruits that stand apart from each other. If that were the case, we might tend to think of ourselves as doing quite well in bearing certain fruits and focusing on them while neglecting the others. But if we look at this as one fruit, then in order to bear this fruit, we must be actively pursuing all nine aspects of the Fruit and making all of them evident in our life and in our marriage. With that in mind, I want you to re-read the list and think of each of the aspects in terms of your commitment to your marriage: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. This is your pattern to a committed relationship!
Our home is now built, and the construction is complete! Our soil has been properly engineered to support our home, our foundation has been reinforced so that we can build a sturdy structure on it, framing is complete, underlayment is installed, and the exterior finish now reveals a beautiful home. In the construction world, this takes considerable time and effort to achieve. In our marriage, it is no less. When I hear people make statements like “I am just not in love with my spouse anymore” or “we have fallen out of love with each other” it indicates to me that there is some element within the construction process that was not properly installed, and they do not know how to repair it. It is for this very reason that we have a team of counselors here at Arizona Family Counseling that would love to help. Our website is www.arizonafamilycounseling.com or you can reach us by phone at (877) 847-6104. Our greatest desire is to serve God by serving you, and in serving you as you engage in your construction project, we can meet our mission of strengthening families in the name of Jesus Christ.
EN 
ES