Families can cultivate many different disciplines. At the foundation of healthy and successful disciplines may lie one practice: the family meeting. What is a family meeting? How can it benefit a family? Read on to find out.
What is a family meeting? A family meeting is a scheduled, regular time to connect and talk as a family. A family meeting “is a way to slow down and purposely connect with your family members” (Carney, n.d.). Family meetings have structure, so family members know what to expect, and they include fun, so that family members look forward to them (Cooper Aerobics, n.d.; Nelsen, n.d.). Family meetings include coordination of plans and schedules and work to build family values and family mission (Forsythe, 2023; Hayenga, 2023). Family members include and value all members of the family to build interdependence (The Center for Parenting Education, n.d.). The family meeting format is flexible enough that any family can adopt it to meet their needs.
Why have a family meeting? Family meetings have many benefits. Meetings promote communication, honesty, and belonging (Carney, n.d.). They build skills such as problem-solving, conflict resolution, collaboration, and perspective-taking (The Center for Parenting Education, n.d.; Flatley, n.d.). Family meetings are a place for parents to impart life-skills and family values (Scarlet, 2024). These family values may include curiosity, sociability, resilience, self-awareness, integrity, resourcefulness, creativity, empathy (Price-Mitchell, 2019). Family meetings help build interdependence among family members, as well as the self-esteem of individual family members. Family meetings promote respectful engagement (Flatley; Krisbergh, n.d.; Solter, 2003). Family meetings can help reduce stress by promoting coordination of the family schedule (Cooper Aerobics, n.d.). Family meetings, in short, are good for the family, and for the individuals within the family.
When to have a family meeting? The frequency of family meetings can vary, but most experts recommend holding them weekly (Forsythe, 2023; Nelsen, n.d.; Scarlet, 2024). This allows families to keep meeting time short, and therefore prevent potential resistance to the meetings (Hayenga, 2023). It also prevents pileup of items to address and keeps the agenda fresh.
How to have a family meeting? A family meeting requires only the family and a place. A few tips and tricks will help the family meeting run smoothly, however. Creating a family agenda and sharing it with family members before the event helps family members prepare (Hayenga, 2023). This agenda should note discussion items for the family, rather than calling out individuals (Andrea, n.d.; Healthy Children, 2022). The family meeting is a place to promote family unity. Discipline issues are better dealt with individually, and one on one. Having a point person, or discussion leader for the meeting helps with meeting flow, especially since the optimal meeting time is 20-30 minutes. Ground rules set at the beginning of the meeting such as not interrupting, sharing positively, and not picking on one another can help promote unity (Bly, n.d.). The Trust Based Relational Intervention rules of, “Stick together. No hurts. Have fun” also work well here (Karen Purvis Institute of Child Development, 2019). Starting with compliments, or review of positive events can set a collaborative tone for the meeting (Nelsen, n.d.). Passing of a “talking stick” can help ensure that every family member gets a chance to share. Sharing responsibility for initiating the “fun” at the end of the meeting can help prevent that decision from overshadowing other topics that families need to discuss. It usually takes several meetings for a family to set their unique meeting format. This may also change with time. The benefits of family meetings, however, last for a long time.
Family meetings will certainly not solve all a family’s woes. Families still need educational services, medical services, and mental health services. Families still need leisure and pleasure time, both individually and together. Still, the family meeting is a great setting to discuss needs and work towards meeting them together. More than anything else, the family meeting itself is a demonstration of family unity, and that goes a long way!
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