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Co-Regulation and Modeling: Guiding Children Toward Self-Regulation

By Sarah Earles, MS, LPC, NCC | September 13, 2024 

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Co-regulation. It’s a high calling! Trying to remain regulated when a child or other is dysregulated is difficult. Doing the inside work to be fully present for another person is challenging, and ongoing. Sometimes it can all feel like too much! But what if co-regulation is both more complicated and more simple than caregivers think. What if there is one strategy that can cover a lot of co-regulating territory? There is, and it is modeling.

What is co-regulation? By way of reminder, co-regulation is the process through which caregivers support children to help them learn appropriate behavior and self-soothing (Bright Wheel, 2023). It is the process through which children internalize skills they will one day need as adults (Waldman, 2021). Co-regulation is a process of learning.
How Children Learn. Children learn through co-regulation. They also learn through watching. This is where the role of modeling comes in for caregivers. Caregivers work first to build a “warm, responsive relationship” (Rosanbalm & Murray, 2017). Within this relationship, caregivers then build structure, structure through which they can “teach and coach self-regulation skills through modeling, instruction, opportunities for practice.” Modeling opportunities can include both planned and unplanned activities. Simple narration of daily tasks can model for children the internal dialogue needed to complete those tasks (Elgin & Alvarez, n.d.; Murray, Rackers, & Meyer et al, 20223; Sharlyn, 2021). Modeling can also go a step further in “describing certain facial expressions that relay happiness, sadness, or other emotions” (Bright Wheel, 2023). It can include practicing self-regulatory strategies like deep breathing both in front of, and alongside the child (Bright Wheel, 2023; Gervasi, 2023; Petrou, n.d.; Waldman, 2021). Modeling can also come into play when caregivers make mistakes or lose their sense of regulation. In these situations, caregivers can model how to practice apologies and re-dos (Nurturing Change, 2021; Petrou, n.d.). Yes, children need teaching, but often they need repetitive visual examples in order to “catch” and implement that teaching (Robinson & Gross, 2020). Caregiver modeling is therefore vital to child learning, both in terms of regulation and in terms of other life skills.
Conclusion. Is caregiver modeling all there is to co-regulation? No, but it is a big part. Caregivers who model are accomplishing many of the purposes and aims of co-regulation. So, when in doubt, simplify the work of co-regulation to modeling, and see the differences it can make!

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Co-regulation. It’s a high calling! Trying to remain regulated when a child or other is dysregulated is difficult. Doing the inside work to be fully present for another person is challenging, and ongoing. Sometimes it can all feel like too much! But what if co-regulation is both more complicated and more simple than caregivers think. What if there is one strategy that can cover a lot of co-regulating territory? There is, and it is modeling.

What is co-regulation? By way of reminder, co-regulation is the process through which caregivers support children to help them learn appropriate behavior and self-soothing (Bright Wheel, 2023). It is the process through which children internalize skills they will one day need as adults (Waldman, 2021). Co-regulation is a process of learning.
How Children Learn. Children learn through co-regulation. They also learn through watching. This is where the role of modeling comes in for caregivers. Caregivers work first to build a “warm, responsive relationship” (Rosanbalm & Murray, 2017). Within this relationship, caregivers then build structure, structure through which they can “teach and coach self-regulation skills through modeling, instruction, opportunities for practice.” Modeling opportunities can include both planned and unplanned activities. Simple narration of daily tasks can model for children the internal dialogue needed to complete those tasks (Elgin & Alvarez, n.d.; Murray, Rackers, & Meyer et al, 20223; Sharlyn, 2021). Modeling can also go a step further in “describing certain facial expressions that relay happiness, sadness, or other emotions” (Bright Wheel, 2023). It can include practicing self-regulatory strategies like deep breathing both in front of, and alongside the child (Bright Wheel, 2023; Gervasi, 2023; Petrou, n.d.; Waldman, 2021). Modeling can also come into play when caregivers make mistakes or lose their sense of regulation. In these situations, caregivers can model how to practice apologies and re-dos (Nurturing Change, 2021; Petrou, n.d.). Yes, children need teaching, but often they need repetitive visual examples in order to “catch” and implement that teaching (Robinson & Gross, 2020). Caregiver modeling is therefore vital to child learning, both in terms of regulation and in terms of other life skills.
Conclusion. Is caregiver modeling all there is to co-regulation? No, but it is a big part. Caregivers who model are accomplishing many of the purposes and aims of co-regulation. So, when in doubt, simplify the work of co-regulation to modeling, and see the differences it can make!

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References

Bright Wheel. (2023, April 10.) Why co-regulation is vital in early child development. https://mybrightwheel.com/blog/what-is-co-regulation-in-child-development

Elgin, J., & Alvarez, S. (n.d.) Using co-regulation to build self-regulation in kids. Helping Families Thrive. https://helpingfamiliesthrive.com/using-co-regulation-to-build-self-regulation-in-kids/

Gervasi, N. (2023, January 1). The power of co-regulation. CommuniKids. https://communikidsnj.com/the-power-of-co-regulation/

Murray, D.W., Rackers, H., & Meyer, A. et al. (2023, April 21). Co-Regulation as a support for Older youth in the context of Foster care: a scoping review of the literature. Prevention Science. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11121-023-01531-3

Nurturing Change. (2021, August 22). Correcting behavior through redos. https://nurturing-change.org/blog/f/correcting-behavior-through-redos

Petrou, A. (n.d.). What co-regulation looks like. Generation Mindful. https://genmindful.com/blogs/mindful-moments/what-co-regulation-looks-like

Robinson, L., & Gross, J. (2020, November 17). Character – caught or taught? Impact. https://my.chartered.college/impact_article/character-caught-or-taught

Rosanbalm, K.D., & Murray, D.W. (2017). Caregiver co-regulation across development: A practice brief. OPRE Brief #2017-80. Washington, DC: Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, US. Department of Health and Human Services. 

Sharlyn. (2021, March 30). How to model co-regulation. Play Therapy Connection. https://playtherapyconnection.com/how-to-model-co-regulation/

Waldman, M. (2021, October 5). How to nurture co-regulation to build self-regulation in our children. Feel Links. https://myfeellinks.com/blogs/news/parents-and-educators-how-to-nurture-co-regulation-to-build-self-regulation

References

Bright Wheel. (2023, April 10.) Why co-regulation is vital in early child development. https://mybrightwheel.com/blog/what-is-co-regulation-in-child-development

Elgin, J., & Alvarez, S. (n.d.) Using co-regulation to build self-regulation in kids. Helping Families Thrive. https://helpingfamiliesthrive.com/using-co-regulation-to-build-self-regulation-in-kids/

Gervasi, N. (2023, January 1). The power of co-regulation. CommuniKidshttps://communikidsnj.com/ the-power-of-co-regulation/

Murray, D.W., Rackers, H., & Meyer, A. et al. (2023, April 21). Co-Regulation as a support for Older youth in the context of Foster care: a scoping review of the literature. Prevention Science. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11121-023-01531-3

Nurturing Change. (2021, August 22). Correcting behavior through redos. https://nurturing-change.org/blog/f/correcting-behavior-through-redos

Petrou, A. (n.d.). What co-regulation looks like. Generation Mindful. https://genmindful.com/blogs/mindful-moments/what-co-regulation-looks-like

Robinson, L., & Gross, J. (2020, November 17). Character – caught or taught? Impact. https://my.chartered.college/impact_ article/character-caught-or-taught

Rosanbalm, K.D., & Murray, D.W. (2017). Caregiver co-regulation across development: A practice brief. OPRE Brief #2017-80. Washington, DC: Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, US. Department of Health and Human Services.

Sharlyn. (2021, March 30). How to model co-regulation. Play Therapy Connection. https://playtherapyconnection.com/how-to-model-co-regulation/

Waldman, M. (2021, October 5). How to nurture co-regulation to build self-regulation in our children. Feel Links. https://myfeellinks.com/blogs/news/ parents-and-educators-how-to-nurture-co-regulation-to-build-self-regulation

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