Is Your Child Gaming Too Much? Questions to Consider

It’s no secret that video games are one of the most popular entertainment mediums of today. Video games are readily available for our kids almost any time of the day. It can be on a video game console, a laptop/computer, a smartphone, or a tablet; and it seems like most every child has access to one, if not more, of these devices. A lot of parents I’ve worked with debate on how to handle how much their kids play video games, so this is a perfectly normal question to ask. If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand, it’s that no system or ruleset is universal. In fact, it depends greatly on your family’s culture to figure out what works best for you. So, while I may not have some definitive answers for you, I can suggest a few questions to help get a good conversation for your family started.

If a parent were to ask me what they should do when their child likes playing video games too much, my first question would be “what is ‘too much’”? “Too much” has different meanings and one parent’s measure of “too much” may be different than another’s. It may be helpful for you as a family to see how video game playing seems to affect your family as a whole. Some parents look at how their child is performing with their responsibilities as a measure to see if it’s “too much”. Maybe it’s how often they forget chores or ignore schoolwork, for example. Sometimes parents look for behavioral signs such as agitation or whining when the kids need to separate from their devices. The question here really asks “what problems are being created because my child is playing too many video games?” When you find answers to that question, you have found actual effects of excessive video game play in your kids’ lives.

Another important question to ask is “what is it about video games that my children like so much?” I have seen many parents be quick to judge video games simply because of how they see video games as a medium. But how does your child see it? A study performed on video game addiction found that one of the possible reasons for excessive video gaming is lack of social connection and not having a sense of belonging (Mohammad et al., 2023). Many of the games today are played online and can be used as a means of connection with other like-minded individuals. So, if a child is not feeling connected in their school, their church, or perhaps even at home, where can they go? They will go to a place where they feel they belong to someone or something. They will go to fill that need wherever they can find connection or safety. And for many kids, that exists greatly inside video games.

Now, please understand that this is only one possibility out of many. It is only meant to show that there may be a greater need underneath what seems like only obsession on the surface. It may be that they feel a lack of connection or sense of belonging. Perhaps there is something they wish to escape from that they feel they cannot, and they do not know how to talk about it (Mohammad et al, 2023). For some kids, it allows them to feel in control of something when they may not be in control of something in the real world. Again, these are possibilities but taking a step to understand what their motivations are and what interests them about their digital world can give insight into the needs that are not being met in the real world.

The last question I’ll mention here is “how can the kids be engaged differently?” If we go off the last few paragraphs, we can perhaps start to wonder if there are opportunities for them to receive their needs outside of the gaming world. If it is a connection they need, what extracurriculars might they be interested in to get them involved with like-minded kids? If it is a need for achievement, where are they struggling to achieve? If they do not feel emotionally safe, how can they have an opportunity to build confidence? As they start to expand their horizons and fulfill their needs elsewhere, video gaming could possibly lessen over time and a natural balance could arise. Sometimes, though, it is not as simple as that. For that reason, perhaps developing a proper set of rules could help, but that may be a conversation for another post.